When I Don’t Realize I’m Vulnerable

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Do not let Judah become guilty; may they not go to Gilgal or go up to Beth-aven.  Hosea 4:15

During Hosea’s lifetime, God’s people were divided into two nations.  Israel was to the north and Judah to the south.  Israel had strayed farther from God’s ways than Judah.  In this verse, God gives a cautionary word to Judah so that the purity of her faith will not continue to deteriorate.  His encouragement was this ~ Do not go to Gilgal or Beth-aven.  These cities, both in Israel, were the centers of idol worship.  If a citizen of Judah traveled there, most likely he would be drawn to partake in idolatrous activities.  What I stand near long enough, I may begin to normalize.

That warning reaches farther than ancient geography. Whenever God is doing a new work in me, I should expect it to be vulnerable at first. New obedience is tender. New convictions are not yet muscle memory. A freshly healed place can be injured again. I may deny all of this but, in reality, I am standing much closer to Gilgal than I realize.

Sometimes Gilgal is a person. Perhaps God is teaching me to stop living for approval, yet I continue spending hours with someone whose affection rises and falls according to my compliance. A single conversation can send me back into striving.

Sometimes Gilgal is an atmosphere. If God is freeing me from comparison, I may need distance from places where everyone’s worth is measured by worldly values. I may call it harmless exposure while envy quietly begins rebuilding an altar.

Sometimes Gilgal is an old role. God may be teaching me to speak honestly, but around certain people I instantly become the peacemaker, the rescuer, the invisible one, or the person who absorbs everyone else’s emotions. I leave exhausted and wonder why. My body may have returned to an old survival pattern before my mind even recognized it.

Avoidance is not always fear. Sometimes it is stewardship.I do not prove spiritual maturity by seeing how close I can stand to what once harmed me. Maturity may mean recognizing that grace has given me something precious enough to guard.

There is a always a Gilgal beckoning me.  Help me love what You are forming in me enough to stop walking toward Gilgal. Amen

Hostility And Our Enemies

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 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, so that you won’t grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:3

Jesus endured more hostility from others than you and I will ever experience.  He responded with unfathomable mercy, but also with a justice that prevails eternally.  We couldn’t have predicted his responses back then, nor should we try to guess how we should respond today.  We must take the hatred directed at us, along with the people who expressed it, and put it all in God’s hands.  He rules righteously with both justice and mercy, and only He can work His response through us in the power of the Holy Spirit.

“Having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.” Colossians 2:15  Jesus, through His death, dealt with the strategic levels of authority in the demonic realm.  He publicly humiliated Satan.  How did Jesus celebrate victory?  Perhaps the answer lies in the context of ancient Roman customs.  The victor was placed in a chariot drawn by a white horse, and the enemy was chained to the back of his chariot. He was paraded through the streets of the city.  Citizens of Rome applauded the victor as he passed by.  Behind him, his conquered ones endured the shame of defeat. 

In this picture, Christ was in the chariot, having defeated Satan through the cross.  His enemies made quite a spectacle in heavenly places, paraded in public defeat and subjugation.  

Our enemies may be flesh and blood, but the war’s origin is not of the ‘flesh and blood’ kind.  The attacks are conceived and fueled by the evil ones who wage war against Christ.  Spiritual foes want us to believe they still have all the power.  They want us to fear that the cross was not a defining moment in their fate.  But these enemies have been defeated and have been shamed before heaven.  Jesus dealt with them once at Calvary and He will deal with them again before casting them into the lake of fire.  They already know their end.  Suddenly they shouted, “What have You to do with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before the time?”  Matthew 8:29

Until then, as we face others’ hostility, we can find strength in knowing He deals with our enemies, both human and spiritual, even now, with infinite wisdom.

The cross before me.  The cross behind me.  You rule in victory and I trust You.  Amen

When We Can’t Relate To Others Deeply

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Have you struggled with these questions? I would love to be close to someone, but how do I know when close becomes too close? When is it healthy to need a friend, spouse, or child, and when has my need become too heavy for them to carry? Can people sense the emptiness in me? Does it make them pull away?

Those questions rarely begin in adulthood. When there has been early familial dysfunction, relationships can become distorted long before I have words for what is happening. If love was inconsistent, intrusive, critical, withholding, or unpredictable, I may grow up longing desperately for closeness while simultaneously mistrusting it. I can become overly alert to tone, distance, silence, and changes in affection. I may cling, withdraw, over-explain, over-give, test loyalty, or ask one relationship to repair wounds it did not create.

Before I can love another person freely, I have to learn what it means to live as a daughter before God. He is the teacher and keeper of my heart. He does not shame my neediness or ration out His welcome. I cannot tire Him out. In His presence, my longings are reordered. What once felt desperate becomes quieter. What I demanded from people, I begin learning to receive from Him first. This does not make me independent of human love. It makes me less likely to misuse it.

In the safety of belonging to God, I learn intimacy without possession. I learn when to speak and when to wait. I learn when to ask for help and when not to make another person responsible for stabilizing me. I also learn the painful truth that people will sometimes fail me. When they do, I do not have to collapse or retaliate. I can return to the Father who remains steady when human love proves limited. He longs to heal me when humans are flawed if I will just live with Him in His presence. 

Who is like my God?  No one.  He said in Isaiah 46.  Listen to me, I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.  I will be Yours throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Intimacy.  We all need it like water.  I found it, first, in You. Thank you. Amen

Looking Like A Fool

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By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after being encircled by the Israelites for seven days. Hebrews 11:30

Looking foolish seems to recur throughout Scripture. A great man like Naaman was commanded to dip seven times in the muddy Jordan to be healed. Noah was told to build an enormous ark while judgment was still unseen. Jehoshaphat sent singers ahead of his army into battle. The Israelites were told to walk around Jericho for seven days, expecting fortified walls to collapse. Obeying God required laying down the need to appear reasonable. Naaman was humiliated by the command. Jehoshaphat must have wondered whether he had heard such an outlandish strategy correctly. Noah endured years of building something that made little sense to anyone watching. And while the Israelites did not have to circle Jericho for years, seven days is still a long time to look ridiculous.

Did everyone marching around Jericho believe, with every step, in God’s promised outcome? I doubt it. No more than I trust God perfectly every moment when He leads me into something frightening. I take a deep breath. I obey. Criticism comes. My courage thins, and I return to God for enough strength to take the next step. Then the process begins again. Obedience can be lonely, especially when God’s instructions fall outside everything logical and predictable.

No wonder faith must precede radical obedience. Without faith, I will eventually retreat to what makes sense. The fear of looking foolish is powerful because reputation is one of the last things I want to place on the altar. But obedience requires an audience of One. God’s voice has to become weightier than everyone else’s opinion.

Hebrews 11 records the stories of people who entrusted themselves to God when obedience made no earthly sense. They became heroes of faith not because they were fearless, but because God’s word became more compelling than the crowd’s approval. Long before Jesus spoke of the narrow road, faithful people were already discovering how lonely that road could be.

Human plans can impress people because their logic is visible. God’s plans often make sense only to those willing to walk by faith. Earth gives trophies for visible accomplishment; heaven measures something deeper ~ the obedience no one understood, the years no one applauded, the faithfulness that survived ridicule. Those heroes are now with Jesus. They now understand how one strange act of obedience advanced the kingdom of God.

Free me from the need to look wise, reasonable, or understood. Amen

A Warning Not To Be Ignored

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Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”  Genesis 3: 11-13

Not wanting to take full responsibility for my choices is deeply embedded within my sin nature. To be holy is to see my sin as God sees it; to acknowledge that I, and I alone, am responsible for what I do. The tempter is cunning, but he cannot make me sin.

On top of that, I am warned throughout Scripture about Satan’s character. I’m told he is a liar. I’m told that he schemes to destroy. I’m told he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I’m warned that he works in stealth and that I must stay alert. So why in the world would I listen to his voice?

If a dear friend, someone I trusted with my life, warned me about a certain person, I would listen. I wouldn’t get involved with them on any level. Why? Because I trust the integrity of the one who warned me.

Yet it is far more than a friend who warns me about my spiritual enemy. It is God! Is He not credible? How could I flirt with the one He tells me is intent on my destruction!

If I discount the warning of a friend and get hurt, I must acknowledge, at some point, how much that friend loves me. If my friend is disgusted with me and says, “I told you so,” the relationship may suffer a serious hiccup. But consider this: If I discount God’s warning and suffer the consequences of my choices, He still offers open arms when I come running home. Though I am wounded, and though I knew better, He is willing to forgive, cleanse, and restore.

A stronghold develops when I repeatedly give ground to the enemy and leave that territory uncontested. What began as temptation can become deeply entrenched. My sin gives the enemy legal right to harass and plunder areas of my life. A stronghold often remains for one of three reasons: 1.) I haven’t had the spiritual instruction to recognize what is happening. 2.) I’m afraid, or too proud, to acknowledge my sin and face God honestly. 3.) I am still enjoying what Satan offers, even though I suspect there will be serious fallout.

God is clear. “Do not believe your enemy. He hates you because you are Mine.” If I trust God’s love, I run from sin and hurry to do the necessary housecleaning where strongholds are concerned. Otherwise, I remain vulnerable to an enemy whose character God has already exposed.

To grow up spiritually is to take You at Your word, and to believe that every warning comes from love. Amen.

Assessing Relationships

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“Depart from me, you evildoers, that I may keep the commandments of my God.”  Psalm 119:115

In David’s court, men would have flattered him to secure their place in the palace, while others tried to gain his ear to weaken his judgment and sabotage his leadership. Discernment was not optional for a king. Nor is it optional for me. Some people come near with motives I may not recognize immediately. God may allow their presence for a season, not because He wants them to shape me, but because He intends to sharpen my spiritual senses.

For a seed to grow, it needs good soil. The same is true of faith. Bad company changes the atmosphere around the soul. Cynicism, compromise, careless speech, and ungodly counsel can become so familiar that I stop noticing their effects. A plant can stay alive in poor soil but never become what it was created to be. Its color green will fade. Its strength diminishes. Spindly stalks will be an eyesore.

Spend enough time with people who continually pull away from Christ, and choosing Christ will begin to cost more. At some point I may need to say, Either I change the degree of access this person has to me, or their influence will negatively affect my well-being, both my heart and my health.

  • If I spend most of my time with someone who hates Jesus, the spiritual friction will eventually wear on me. I may still love them deeply, but love doesn’t require me to make them a prominent voice in my life.
  • If I spend most of my time with a weak believer, someone who professes Christ but lives with little evidence of the fruit of the Spirit, their indifference can begin to normalize my own passion.
  • If I spend significant time with people whose personalities are very different from mine, and who continually place expectations on me without understanding how God has wired me, I can become exhausted trying to live as someone I was never created to be. Love may require patience, but wisdom sometimes requires limits. I do not owe everyone unlimited access to my emotional energy.

If I spend time with people who are alive to God, something in me awakens. Their faith enlarges mine. Whom I allow regular access to my ear matters. Loving someone is different from letting them shape me. Jesus moved freely among sinners, but His deepest fellowship was not indiscriminate. Compassion did not erase discernment.

Some relationships are assignments. Some are friendships. Some are warnings. Wisdom knows the difference.

Lord, teach me to love without becoming naïve, to set boundaries without becoming hard, and to recognize whose voice should carry weight in my life. Amen

Reliving Beautiful Moments For Strength

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Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before Him.  Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they?  Has no one condemned you?”  She said, “No one, sir.”  And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you.  Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.”  John 8:9-11

Jesus did not abolish the law of Moses. He simply turned its searching light toward the woman’s accusers. They wanted to see her pay for her sin while remaining strangely blind to their own. God does not prorate sin according to how public or scandalous it appears.

As the sun continued to rise in the early morning dawn, the judges disappeared.  The voyeurs fled.  The accusers vanished.  Stones hit the ground one by one, and as they fell, I can imagine the woman’s disbelief.  The iron grips on her arm loosened as the vengeance of the hot-blooded Pharisees began to dissipate under the convicting presence of Jesus.

Within minutes, only two people remained standing. The sun’s warming rays bathed the encounter as Jesus and the woman faced each other. She had never seen such a pure gaze—one that knew everything about her and still held nothing but love and compassion.

John revealed Jesus at the beginning of his Gospel as “full of grace and truth.” No story showcased this more beautifully. Jesus was gracious and truthful. He withheld condemnation while refusing to call her sin anything other than what it was. “Go, and do not sin again.” Grace did not excuse her past. It released her from being defined by it.

I do not know what happened to the woman when she went home. Did her friends keep pointing fingers? Did her family shun her? Would the man she had been involved with punish her for turning him down the next time? If so, she could draw strength by reliving those beautiful moments with Jesus. She would remember how tenderly He addressed her and how He gave her something no one else could give—love that knew the truth, forgiveness without humiliation, and permission to begin again.

Sometimes others never forget our sins. But You, Lord? When accusation rises, help me rehearse the beautiful moments when You touched me, forgave me, and lifted my face. Amen

When Kindness Came

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We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.  Titus 3:3-5

Jesus was not afraid to come and live among people who knew how to hate. He was not naïve about the darkness that can move through human relationships. He understood jealousy between friends, rivalry between siblings, the quiet resentment that grows when someone else receives what I wanted for myself. He knew how easily offended love can turn into contempt, and how quickly envy can justify cruelty.

None of this surprised Him. Long before Bethlehem, He had witnessed what sin had done to the human heart. Cain murdered the brother whose offering God received. Noah, after surviving the flood by grace, still carried the Fall within him. David’s desire for Bathsheba grew into adultery, deception, and death. Sin, left unchallenged, always grows new roots.

When Jesus came, He also knew the ancient strategy of the evil one, who first rebelled against God and has spent centuries persuading people to distrust God’s goodness. Satan whispers that what God has given me is not enough. He says, Someone else is loved more than you. They are more favored and more blessed. Beneath all of this is an even deeper accusation against God. God has withheld something from you that you should have had.

If you’re jealous of someone, they probably feel it.  Conjuring up a fake warmth that seems genuine is nearly impossible.  Your body language says it all. In our flesh, we want more than what we have and if someone else has it, we struggle to love them.  No relationship is safe from the reaches of sin.

And this is the world Jesus willingly entered. The dread of what He might suffer didn’t prevent Him from coming to extend kindness instead of condemnation. Titus does not say that our goodness appeared and drew God near. It says that His kindness appeared while we lived in malice and envy.

What You have done for me overwhelms me, Jesus. But what humbles me even more is knowing that Your mercy extends to those I find difficult to love. Let Your kindness reach the jealous, wounded places in me. Amen

Resting Then and Resting Now

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So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his.  Hebrews 4:9

When is this “rest” God has promised? Its fullest expression is eternal. I will work, as Adam and Eve worked in Eden, but labor will no longer carry the curse. I cannot imagine what work will feel like without frustration, failure, fatigue, or lack of provision shadowing it.

Frustration: Nothing will work against what is good. There will be no abuse of power, no lack of resources, no strained relationships corrupting what God has called me to do. Work will be experienced in harmony with others because everyone involved will be whole.

Failure: There will be no such thing as failure.  I will be like Jesus.  Whatever ability I need, I will possess.  Knowledge and skill will be innate. I will see closure wherever I invest my time. No shame over inadequacy and no unfinished work will insinuate that I was not enough.

Fatigue: My glorified body will not betray me with sickness or weariness. I will spend myself without limits and without feeling myself wear out in the process.

Financial restrictions: Scarcity will be gone. I will never again know the frustration of carrying a vision larger than the resources available to me.

But Hebrews says that even now, I can taste the Sabbath rest to come.  How can that be if I live in a fallen world?  Because Paradise has been restored internally.  I am at peace with God.  In the Spirit, I am one with Perfection.

Frustration still comes, but I can take what I cannot fix into prayer. I need not live in futility.

Failure still hurts, but it no longer has the right to define me. If I have sinned, there is mercy. But if I have simply reached the limit of my ability, there is grace.

Fatigue and depletion are real, but God encourages rest and promises to restore when I’m drained.

Financial limitations may still be grievous. There may be dreams I can’t afford, opportunities I miss, and losses I mourn. I don’t pretend these things don’t matter. Scarcity is not stronger than God’s sovereignty. His provision may not always look like the abundant life I’ve hoped for, but I’m learning that sometimes it is wisdom within my limitations. Peace can still come to me when the life I imagined is not the life I have received.

Lord, teach me to rest where I have been striving and trust You where I cannot understand. Amen

When I Force Something To Work

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Then God said to Noah, “Go out from the ark, you and your wife, and your sons and your sons’ wives with you.”  Genesis 8:16  ESV

God shut the door to the ark, bringing finality to Noah’s time on land.  When he would put his feet on solid ground again, it would be on a new landscape.  After 100+ days in the ark, everyone on board was antsy to get off.  They had been shut up in a windowless world, thrashing to and fro with extreme weather.

As anxious as Noah was to exit the ark, he knew he had to wait for God’s permission.  To leave the safety of his wooden haven was to risk living on an earth that wasn’t ready for habitation.  The seeds he would plant there would rot in muddy soil.  When the dove brought a branch, it was a sign that the earth was fruitful again.

There is not much of a harvest in my life either when I move ahead of God and force things into place.  Only God can prepare the way in front of me and show me when to move at the right time.  I have known the frustration of trying to make things happen on my own.  I produced one Ishmael after another, and utter frustration was the result.  So was nagging insecurity.  I knew that God hadn’t led me and could not bless my path.  Getting older has taught me to wait for Him to release me from unpleasant conditions.

Someone wants to be a truth-teller to a family member today.  The seed will not be received if God has not prepared the soil of their heart.  Another wants to step out of a stressful place and start fresh by forcing circumstances to work.  A heavenly rhythm will not accompany their efforts and striving will bring exhaustion and futility.  Someone else wants to implement a God-given vision that has been simmering for years.  Tired of waiting, they will bring their vision to a people not ready to understand it nor recognize its source as God.  Misjudgment will result, bringing pain and rejection.

We must not leave the ark of safety until there is divine release.  God is a gracious Father who will give many confirmations that it’s time to move.

Oh, how I’ve learned the hard way that striving is not your way.  If the axe falls at just the right part in the grain of wood, without much effort at all, the wood will split.  Show me holy rhythm and timing.  Amen